I remember it like it was yesterday. My family gathered at my Grandparents’ house every year after my grandmama worked for days preparing our Thanksgiving meal. Thanksgiving morning, the children and grandchildren arrived bearing side dishes, desserts, excitement, and empty bellies ready to be filled. The screen door slammed shut as the grandkids raced to see who could get to the hay barn first – ready to play hide-and-go-seek among the bales. As the farm bell rang to announce dinner, we raced back to the house and collapsed at the kiddie table, ready to enjoy the bounty of food set before us.
My husband remembers his Thanksgiving a little quieter. His family spent their mornings watching the Thanksgiving day parade followed by turkey, dressing, and the trimmings. After lunch, he and his mom began their yearly tradition of decorating the house. They spent hours placing newly collected and heirloom decorations in just the right spot.
Those memories shaped our love of the Holiday season. Neither of us realized the deep joy those traditions brought until chairs sat empty.
Friend, I wonder if, like us, you have empty chairs at your table this year?
Are you walking through a season covered by a cloud of grief, wondering if the pain will ever disappear? Do you struggle with continuing to build traditions with your family now that a loved one is gone?
My friend, can I share something with you? I know where you are and understand the tug of war of experiencing the joy of the season while living with grief. I’m facing this painful reality again after the loss of my mom a few short months ago.
As we enter this Holiday season, I want to share seven lessons I’ve learned to help me experience joy amid grieving.
Pray
Walking through grief takes countless hours of prayer. Prayer is the foundation needed for peace, hope, and strength as we invite the Lord into our pain and sorrow.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid." John 14:27
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7
Ask for Grace
It’s easy to respond more harshly than usual in certain situations when we are hurting. Don’t be afraid to ask for grace and forgiveness when processing through grief.
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16
Ask for Space
Our families and friends love us and want to help us in our sadness. Acknowledge their desire to help, but if we need a little room to breathe, it’s okay.
"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:6
Permit yourself to grieve
The expectation during the holidays is that everyone will be happy and excited. But for those of us living through loss during the holidays, we don’t feel the freedom to grieve. Friend, it’s okay to grieve, but we also must remember the hope found in Christ.
“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:6-7
Build new traditions
It’s okay to set aside traditions that are too painful right now. Find new ways to celebrate the season and, when ready, revisit old traditions.
Accept unconditional love and a listening ear
Don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to a friend or loved one who will provide unconditional love and a listening ear.
It’s okay to laugh and experience the joy of Christmas
At Christmas, we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior. No greater joy comes from knowing that God loved us so much that He sent His son to earth to redeem us and spend eternity in Heaven with Him. Enjoy the moments of joy and laughter with family and friends.
"But our citizenship is in Heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." Philippians 3:20-21 NIV
Yes, we may grieve the loss of our loved ones, but we have the joy of knowing we will see them again in Heaven. Until then, we can rest in the peace and comfort of God as we experience His true joy with our family during this Christmas season.
Dear Lord, You know the grief within my heart, but you also see the desire in my heart to enjoy the season celebrating Jesus’ birth. Help me remember my loved one and the special memories we made over the years while also living in the moment of this season. Give me the joy that only comes from You. Thank you for the gift of Your Son who died on the cross so that I may spend eternity in Heaven with You. In Jesus’ name, amen.
In His Calm,
