A Different Kind of Christmas

2020 has been a year not like any other and one we will never soon forget.

Even now, amid the Christmas season, we still feel the ramifications of Covid-19 – loved ones lost, vacation plans and family gatherings canceled, unrecognizable schooling for kids, and parents working from home.

Grief in many forms fills this Christmas season. We grieve the loss of family members, the loss of traditions, and the loss of what was supposed to be.

We are balancing the joy of celebrating Christ’s birth with the reality of grieving the loss of what once was as we face a different kind of Christmas. But how do we do that?

How do we battle this tug of war of emotions as we experience the joy of the season with disappointments and grief?

Years ago, my husband and I walked through a long season of grief after the death of both of his parents. The empty spaces at the table during the first Holiday season without Jeff’s parents left a thick cloud of sadness. He tried desperately to be joyful for our children, but the pain of losing both of his parents enveloped him.

For five years, I watched him struggle to find joy in a season that was rooted in tradition and memories. He tried hard to be happy, thankful, and excited for our children but found it difficult to move past the pain of memories that were once such an integral part of his life. I begged God to heal his heart, take the sadness away, and give him a spirit of joy and excitement. 

In that long season, I learned a few lessons I want to share with you today.

How to walk through grief at Christmas

Pray 

Walking through grief takes countless hours of prayer but is the foundation needed to help us (and those we love). When praying, ask God to give you the peace we read about in John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” We also read in Philippians 4:7, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Give Grace

When frustration sets in because we (and those we love) aren’t as excited about things we once were, we must remember to give grace. This different Christmas season may cause us to say and do things we wouldn’t otherwise say or do. We need to give each other the grace to be a little moody while gently remembering we love each other. “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16) “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:6)

Give Permission to Grieve

The expectation during the holidays is that everyone will be happy and excited. During this Christmas, season when we are living through so many losses, we need to remember it’s okay to feel the way we do. Give yourself and those around you the freedom to grieve.

Build New Traditions

This Christmas will look very different and that’s okay. Use this year to find new ways to celebrate the season. Take some time to sit together as a family to make a list of new ways to celebrate this year. Then set aside one day or night a week to try something new on the list.

Give Unconditional Love and a Listening Ear

Most importantly, we all need to remember we are in this with our family. Each family member needs to feel unconditional love and the freedom to share struggles. Take time to listen to each other. In Romans 12:10 we read, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” And Ephesians 4:32 reminds us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

You are not alone

So friend, I know this is a different kind of Christmas than any of us ever expected. Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one, the loss of traditions, or the loss of what was supposed to be, please know you are not alone. You have family and friends who love you. But, most importantly, you have a Heavenly Father who loves you and knows your hurt.

Take some time this Christmas season and spend time in God’s Word and prayer. Ask Him to give you the strength and peace to face this different kind of Christmas, and ask Him to help you love your family well.

In His Calm,