“They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” Luke 6:48-49 NIV
Several years ago, I walked into my son’s bedroom and noticed a crack above the doorway. While I was in his room daily, this was the first time I’d seen the damage to the wall. I checked all the rooms, wondering if there were any other cracks in our house. To my surprise, I noticed more cracks in my daughter’s room and the bathroom joining their rooms.
How could those cracks form and I not notice? How long had they been there? What caused them to form in the first place? These were all questions that filled my mind. A foundation specialist revealed settling under the house had caused the foundation to shift, which meant we needed additional support to secure our home.
Just as houses need firm foundations to stand strong and secure, marriages also need to be built on a solid foundation. When my husband and I first knew we were going to be married, we committed to building a marriage on God’s firm foundation. But, because neither one of us came from homes that modeled strong unions, we didn’t know where to start or how to achieve a marriage that would last through the storms of life.
While we didn’t have good examples modeled for us, we knew where to turn for the wisdom we needed to build a strong marriage. Through God’s Word, prayer, open communication, and unconditional love for each other, we knew we could build a strong marriage to withstand any storm that came our way.
Building on a firm foundation
Building with God’s Word
God’s Word gives us the starting point for a firm foundation. Paul’s words in Ephesians provide each of us with the road map needed to love and respect each other as God desires.
- “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” Ephesians 5:22-23 (ESV)
- “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)
- “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33 (ESV)
Building with Prayer
Prayer builds a foundation nothing can destroy. When we pray the Word of God over our marriages, we cover it with the armor of God’s protection. This armor will give us the strength and stamina we need to make it through the attacks and storms that attempt to ravage our marriages.
Scriptures to pray over your marriage
- “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2 (NIV)
- “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” Proverbs 3:3 (NIV)
Building with Open Communication
Truthfully, there are seasons in a marriage when it’s just plain hard. – life gets busy, work is stressful, and raising kids takes up all the emotional reserves. In these times, it’s easy to put each other on the back burner. But, when we don’t invest in each other and our marriage, cracks and breaks start to form without warning. Weakness caused by the cracks and breaks can damage and collapse the marriage. In the hard seasons, it’s essential to make time for each other. One-on-one moments spent talking and discussing the complex parts of life connect us and help prevent weakening the foundation.
Building with Unconditional Love
Paul reminds us in Ephesians 6:12 that our struggles are “not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” While there may be times when we disagree, we need to remember we are not enemies. Satan is our enemy. He wants nothing more than to tear apart a Godly marriage.
Instead of allowing him to weaken the foundation of our marriage, we must commit to loving each other well through the power that comes from God. Displaying compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience towards our spouse are the building blocks of a firm foundation.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:12-14 (NIV)
Years ago, when my husband and I committed to building a marriage on God’s firm foundation, we knew we needed the strong support of God’s Word, prayer, communication, and unconditional love. Has it always been easy? Not always. There have been days when we were extremely frustrated, hurt, and angry with each other. But, through standing firm in God’s Word, faithfully praying for each other, keeping the lines of communication open, and granting unconditional love, we have made it through the dark storms of our life together. And after 20+ years of marriage, we are stronger now than we have ever been.
In His Calm,
