Do as I say, not as I do.

How many times have you said that phrase to your children or at the very least thought it in your head as you were instructing them? After a lifetime of experience we desire to teach our children what not to do so they don’t make the same mistakes we made during our childhood. In our desire to help our children grow up to be successful adults who love the Lord we often do a good job “preaching with our words” but don’t do a very good job leading and discipling by example.

“My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you; Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.” Proverbs 4:20-27

Nonverbal Communication

Our key passage (Proverbs 4:20-27) starts with the phrase “pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words” Proverbs 4:20. It’s not hard to “say” a lot of words with our mouths. We can talk, talk, talk to our children until we are blue in the face but what we often forget is we don’t stop speaking to our children just because we aren’t verbally communicating to them. Whether we realize it or not our children watch us closely which means we continuously speak to our children through our actions and behaviors.

As we dig deeper into Proverbs 4:20-27 I want to challenge you to take a look at yourself. While this passage is a portion of Solomon’s instructions focused on young people that the Biblical Theology Study Bible classifies as “Parental Instruction” we, as parents, can use this passage as a way to model to and disciple our children.

The Charge of Discipleship

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 charges us, as parents to “…impress them (commandments) on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” We are to teach our children God’s Word during our everyday lives -morning till night, both at home and when we leave the house.

You may say, “Well Mary that sounds all grand and wonderful for a theologian, but I’m just a mom who desperately wants my children to grow up to love the Lord. I want them to make wise decisions that set them up for a successful future. And I want them to know how to protect themselves from making mistakes that will ruin their lives.”

My friend, can I tell you something? Those are exactly the desires of my heart for my children. My daily prayers are that they will keep their eyes focused on God and live such that their friends will see the love of Christ shine around them. But in today’s world it is very hard for them to know how to make the right decisions or live a life that shines the light of Christ.

That’s where our roll as a parent comes in. So let’s break this down shall we as we dig a little deeper into Proverbs 4:20-27

The Anatomy of Discipleship

Every morning as I drive my kids to school I say a morning prayer. While the prayer may be a little different each day based on their needs, there is one phrase I have prayed for years. This phrase speaks to who they are at their deepest core.

“Dear Lord protect their hearts, minds and bodies and keep them safe while at they are at school.”

Praying over their hearts, minds and bodies covers the very essence of who they are as a child of God. Please don’t think because I pray over them every day that we don’t experience struggles with our children because we most certainly do, but consistently praying for them helps protect them as they go about their daily lives.

Prayer is not the only way to help our children grow up to be successful adults who love the Lord. Discipling our children and modeling a daily walk with the Lord helps to instill values and provide real life examples of what it looks like to live daily life in the Presence of God.

The Heart – the core, center, essence of who we are

In Proverbs 4:23 the child is reminded to “guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”. The heart is the core, essence or the very being of each one of us. But what does it mean to “guard your heart”? “Guard your heart” means protecting it from things that will hurt or damage who we are at our core.

How do we guard our heart?

• pay attention to what we see, hear and do
• spend time in God’s Word daily
• spend time in one on one communication with God daily through prayer

Receptive Organs – ears and eyes

In verse 20 we read “…turn your ear to my words…”, verse 21 “Do not let them out of your sight,…”, and verse 25 “Let your eyes look straight ahead;…” each one of these passages refers to what is heard or seen. We take in and process the things we see on a daily basis as do our children. Our children not only learn from what they hear or see from those they come in contact with daily, but they also hear and see us and our actions. Let me repeat that…

Our children not only learn from what they hear or see from those they come in contact with daily, but they also hear and see us and our actions.

OUCH!! I’m not sure about you but that last part just stopped me in my tracks. Realizing that I can say all I want to my children about how to make the best choices and live the right way is great, but it doesn’t stop with verbal telling. I’m also telling and leading by example through what I do on a daily basis.

But how are we suppose to disciple our children and model making the right choices on a daily basis?

Expressive Organs – mouth, eyes, and feet

The struggle for each of us is daily living a life that speaks nonverbally what we preach verbally to our children. It doesn’t take much for me to get caught up in the world around me and live in the flesh. On too many occasions I’ve caught myself saying or do things I specifically tell my kids not to do and unfortunately, more than once one of my kids has called me out. Talk about humbling!!

So, how do we do this? How do we disciple and model through our actions?

• Verse 25 “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.” – Do you daily set aside time to spend in God’s Word and prayer? If you do, let your kids see you spending time in God’s Word. They may not say anything but seeing you consistently spend time in God’s Word and in prayer will speak volumes.
• Verse 24 “Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.” – Remember when I told you my kids have been known to call me out? There are times when my flesh gets the best of me and words come out of my mouth in the heat of the moment that, let’s just say, my mom would have washed my mouth out with soap. (Can I get a witness? lol) I am quick to tell them to watch their mouth’s but there are times when I don’t do a very good job watching mine. You may not have trouble with a cuss word slipping out from time to time but what about gossiping, slandering, or lying? Our kids pick up on what we say even when we aren’t talking directly to them.
• Verse 26 “Give careful thought to the paths of your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.” – Hebrews 12:13 says, “Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.” Our children watch the choices we make and the paths we take. Are we choosing to follow God down the path He has marked out for us or are we choosing our own way or the way of the world?

Remember at the very beginning when I made the statement, “In our desire to help our children grow up to be successful adults who love the Lord we often do a good job “preaching with our words” but don’t do a very good job leading and discipling by example.”? Now that you know how to let your actions speak louder than your words what will your next step be to disciple your children nonverbally?

I’d love to hear what your next step will be. Share with us in the comments below. Do you receive the Sitting in His Presence Newsletter around the first of every month? Fill out the form at the top of the page and next months Sitting in His Presence Newsletter will quietly slip into your email.

In His Calm,