Striving for a God-centered marriage

I remember it like it was yesterday. Excited yet nervous I stood behind the doors of the sanctuary dressed in a simply elegant, straight white gown followed by a long train adorned with beads and lace. My brother escorted me to Jeff who waited patiently for me to walk the candle lit aisle. We joined hands and in the presence of God, our friends and family we promised to honor, love and cherish each other in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer til death do us part. We were young and in love, naive to the hard road ahead but fully devoted to following God’s plan for our marriage.

Today’s verse speaks directly to those vows we exchanged 20+ years ago.  Three words stand out to me in this passage – devoted, love and honor.

Be devoted to one another in love.

As I studied this verse I learned the word devoted is the Greek word philostorgos meaning the mutual love of husbands and wives, loving affection, prone to love, loving tenderly. The intense passion of Newlywed love makes it oh so easy to show loving affection and desire for one another. But over the years as life happens sleepless nights with babies, work responsibilities demand our attention, financial stress and strain all vie for our attention and time. Eventually the ease of Newlywed love is met with the reality of life and we are faced with learning what true love and devotion is all about.

The Biblical Theology Study Bible describes love as “Not a directionless emotion, but a moral orientation toward kingdom values”.  What in the world does “kingdom values” mean? I’m glad you asked because I wondered the same thing. As I dug deeper into what that could mean I was led to Matthew 5:3-12. The Beatitudes were part of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. In this sermon Jesus contrasted worldly values (temporary) with Kingdom values (eternal). The Beatitudes teach us what we should be like as Christ followers.

But how does this translate to marriage? Stick with me and I’ll show you as we unpack each verse.

• vs 3 “Blessed are the poor in Spirit,” – Matthew Henry explains this as “gracious disposition of soul, by which we are emptied of self, in order to be filled with Jesus Christ”. World values would tell us to have personal independence in marriage but as Christians we are called to humility- being filled with Jesus Christ- and placing our spouse before ourselves. We are to love and genuinely serve our spouse.
• vs 4 “Blessed are those who mourn,” – (Having a Godly sorrow to sin) In a God-centered marriage we grieve with each other over sin and mistakes. We realize neither one of us is without sin. Instead of judging and demoralizing we are to support and encourage each other to overcome the temptations all around us.
• vs 5 “Blessed are the meek” – World values tell us to fight when we are wronged in marriage but when we quietly submit to God and respond with a soft gentle answer and seek forgiveness rather than revenge we build a strong God-centered marriage. Proverbs 15:1 reminds us “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When conflicts arise in marriage taking a deep breath and answering with gentle words give rise to open communication rather than anger and hurtful words that close off lines of communication.
• vs 6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness” – When we unpack the word righteousness we learn it is the Greek word dikaiosyne which means living a life of integrity, virtue, purity of life, rightness, correctness of thinking feeling, and acting. I once had an acquaintance who told another friend over lunch to “go ahead and have the affair she was thinking about having, after all her husband was always out of town and he would never know”. My jaw hit my plate. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I quickly interjected that despite the fact that her husband was frequently out of town, she made a vow to be faithful to her husband and she needed to stay true to that vow. Unfortunately my friend took the worldly advice. Eventually her husband did find out and they subsequently divorced. My friends, let us live lives of integrity and virtue maintaining the purity of our marriages.
• vs 7 “Blessed are the merciful” – We are imperfect people and because of that there will be days when one or both spouses mess up. When that happens, showing compassion and mercy to the offending party actively expresses loving kindness and exemplifies God’s grace and mercy.
• vs 8 “Blessed are the pure in heart” – We are pure in heart when we are free from sin and guilt, blameless or innocent. Advice from the world tells us there are aspects of our lives that are off limits to our spouse. When we close off parts of our lives to our spouse we build walls that give room for dishonesty to grow leading to distance between each other. Let’s strive to have marriages that have open lines of communication that help keep the marriage pure.
• vs 9 “Blessed are the peacemakers” – The Greek root word for peacemaker is eirene which means someone who makes peace and brings harmony. Matthew Henry describes a peacemaker as someone who, “…preserve(s) the peace that it be not broken, and to recover it when it is broken”. I love what’s written in James 3:17-18, “But wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.” How can we daily be considerate, full of mercy and good fruit and sow peace within our marriage? By keeping the eyes of our heart fully focused on the design God has for our marriage.
• vs 10-12 “Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness” – Striving to build a marriage that is God-centered will not win us awards in the world today but seeking a marriage with Kingdom values builds a legacy of love and faithfulness we can pass on to our children who will then pass them on to their children.

Honor one another above yourselves.

Jesus modeled how we are to honor one another above ourselves in Philippians 2:3-7,

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant; being made in human likeness.”

In our human nature it’s oh so easy to become selfish and think only of ourselves but a marriage is made up of two people. When we humbly take on the mindset of Christ we take our eyes off of our needs and wants and think of ways to fill our spouse’s needs and wants.

Because Jesus was God incarnate he was equal with God but as God’s son he submitted to God’s authority. As humans, husbands and wives are equal, but God’s design for marriage is that husbands are to be “head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church” Ephesians 5:23. I realize in the world’s eyes this is not popular but when striving to have a God-centered marriage we keep our eyes focused on God’s design for marriage, not the world’s idea of marriage.

My prayer for each of you is that you will seek to have a God-centered marriage that leaves a strong legacy of devotion, love and honor for your children and their children to follow.

In His Calm,